Monday, September 1, 2014

5 Things a Woman Should Always Carry...

An article on Twitter this morning inspired this post.
"10 Things a woman should always carry in her purse."

Wow, I thought. 
This should be interesting to read since women come in all flavors of every culture on planet Earth.

Someone must have really put a lot of thought into this. 
Read that in sarcasm font. 
Since not all women even carry a purse. 

My sister-in-law, for example, hates purses. 
She was the first person I thought of being left out. 
And uh, she's very much a woman. 

But I clicked on it, anyway. 
Maybe it would have some kind of symbolic meaning and surprise me. 

Optimism gets the best of me sometimes.

Aaaaaaaaaaand, as I feared, it irritated me worse than a broken underwire.

All 10 things were--you guessed it!--shallow as a kiddie pool. 
Loads of name brand cosmetics, perfumes, and grooming tools filled the list, with snappy captions about how they'd help the women who carried them 
look and smell pretty enough to find husbands. 

After all, what else should a woman aspire to do besides find a man 
to navigate her delicate ass through this dangerous world?

It does give me hope that time travel is possible, though. 
Because the woman who wrote it must have found the Outlander stones at Craigh na Dun, left her job at the Repressed Woman Press 
and traveled here from 1952. 

I wish I could invite this writer into a circle of friends who aren't a bunch of vapid doofs, clutching desperately to a man's coattails.

While I do carry a purse, and it does usually contain a brush and tube of lipstick, you know what else is in there? 
A mini-notebook and pen for brainstorming. 
Because, you know, women can think if they choose to do so. 
Snacks for my kids. 
Eye drops for my hubby. 
Because sometimes other people depend on us, too. 

Rather than linking the article (and giving it traffic), I've written a list of my own. 
But with only 5 things, because who needs to be weighed down with a bunch of shit? 
Keep it simple.

Five things a woman should carry at all times, even if she doesn't own a purse:

1. Self-respect

You, my dear, are a strong and beautiful creature 
with or without makeup. 
Not wearing any doesn't make you less of a woman. 
So tilt that chin up and straighten those shoulders. 
You can do anything.

2. Self-awareness

We all possess the invaluable ability to recognize ourselves as individuals, 
while appreciating the differences of others. 
The contents of our purses or pockets shouldn't match.

3. Kindness

To everyone. From every walk of life. 
Even the assholes who write articles that set us back 50 years. That's why I'm not sharing her name/post. 
Or leaving her a scathing comment. 
If I knew her personally, I'd invite her to my next girls' night  
and shock her with my awesome friends.

4. Assertiveness

Stand up for yourself. 
Being a woman doesn't mean shrinking into the shadow of men. 
I have a good friend who works in the construction field. 
She manages a bunch of guys, some (not all) of whom are a bunch of cat-calling ball-scratchers. They learned real quick-like that she wouldn't be taking their garbage. I wish she'd teach a class on how to be a badass.
I'd take it every semester just for fun.

5. Discretion

Number 3 and number 4 might seem contradictory. 
That's where discretion comes in. 
While it's important to be kind, 
it's also important to avoid doormat status. 
You have to know where to draw the line. 
Tap your intuition: it's there and you'll know when to say when.

Can we all, as women, agree to stop pigeonholing each other?

Kthanks. I'll step off my soap box now.

Go kick some tail, ladies. Coiffed or not.