Pitch Wars #PimpMyBio

Hey, y'all!

For starters, I want to thank Dannie Morin for organizing these posts! 
You can check out her original post and all the other mentee bios here.

Pitch Wars is an annual writing contest hosted by the amazing Brenda Drake. 
To learn more about the contest, go here.

I entered my very first manuscript in last year's Pitch Wars.  At the time, I knew nothing about contests and I'd only recently finished my manuscript (an adult speculative fiction with an astronomical word count). Obviously, I did not get picked by a mentor because it was not ready to submit. But I don't regret making that mistake because the contest helped me tap into an incredibly supportive writing community that I didn't even know existed. I got 10 critique partners from last year's contest! TEN! And I've learned so much from all of them since then. I'd introduce them here, but don't want to seem douchey like I'm name-dropping. 
(Yes, they're *that* awesome.)

Meanwhile, I wrote a second manuscript. This one's YA. Think Friday Night Lights meets Practical Magic. Football and magic potions in small town Texas with a little bit of interracial romance, oh yes. :) 
So at the urging of my CPs, I entered it into Pitch Wars this year. 

So here I am. 

With my eldest child. He's actually the calm one, believe it or not.

Here are 10 awesome things about me.

1. I make really cute humans. (Hubby helped.)

2. Speaking of hubby, I hit the jackpot when I married this guy. He's funny, adorable, and he saves children's lives for a living. No, really. He's a clinical affairs specialist for Berlin Heart. Search for Berlin Heart on YouTube for a better idea of what they do. Take tissues.

Also, he folds laundry.

3. I started writing when I was in the 3rd grade and haven't stopped since. But for some reason, I went to college and became a nurse. I did it for 3 years and, for the most part, it sucked. Because of hubby's job, I'm able to stay home with the kids and write full-time now. I keep my license active, though. Just in case I start missing the joys of phlegm, 12-hour-shifts, and cleaning diarrhea off really old balls.

My thoughts in this moment: "What have I done?"

4. I write a little of everything. Fiction, non-fiction, short stories, and really bad poetry. (We won't talk about the poetry.) I have two completed manuscripts now, and about six others are still in-progress. One of my short stories was recently accepted for publication! Yay! I'll do another post when it comes out at the end of this month.

5. Taylor Kitsch seduced brainwashed me during Friday Night Lights. He really wants to be my love slave the love interest in all my stories. I have to really fight his power over me to keep from letting him win. (Notice the Friday Night Lights comp above? Yeah. It's the best television series ever made. EVER.) 
Because LOOK...

But note: He wasn't the love interest in my Pitch Wars submission. I resisted the temptation!

6. Here are some of my favorite books. They've all influenced my writing in some way.

7. There's always at least one Led Zeppelin song on my WIP playlist. Usually this one, because Almost Famous is my favorite movie. 
Besides Taylor Kitsch movies, of course.

8. I have a giant dog named Annabelle. She's a Great Dane  and the epitome of what a good dog should be. Kind, gentle, obedient...but with a bark that tells anyone who comes near our house, "Don't even dream of effing with my people."

9.  I love football. More specifically, college football. Even more specifically, CLEMSON FOOTBALL. I grew up in South Carolina not far from the university, so I've been cheering for the Tigers since I was old enough to talk. I fit right in here in Texas, y'all. They just wear the wrong shade of orange 'round these parts. ;)

10. And last but not least, I have the same amount of nipples as a cat. 

HAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding. I just ran out of fun things to share. But don't even lie, you're wondering if I look like this under my shirt now.

Don't forget to check out the other mentor #PimpMyBio posts at Dannie's blog!

Good luck to all of my fellow #PitchWars mentees! 

xoxo,
Jenn

In the words of Ice Cube...

Yes, a very good day.

Why, you ask?

Because my manuscript, THROUGH THE WOOD, was chosen by Aussie darling Sharon Johnston for #TeamEpic in #NestPitch.

You can find out more about #NestPitch here. 

The short version: Writers submit a 35-word pitch and the first 300 words of his/her manuscript. The submission then goes through several rounds of slush readers and industry professionals.  Finally, the 9 host bloggers each choose 8 entries to post on their blogs. 72 entries are displayed for a panel of top-notch literary agents.

My manuscript is 1 of 8 on Sharon’s blog. Here is her blog. And here is my entry.

So yes, it was a good day. I can’t imagine what could’ve made it better. 

Except maybe this:

Fun fact: Tim Riggins, aka Taylor Kitsch, was my inspiration for Nik.

It is so hard to put your work in a stranger’s hands and ask them to love it. So hard. 

Especially after giving it to beta readers who champion it from day one. 

I finished the rough draft of this manuscript a year ago, and I was completely clueless about how to get an agent to care about it. I made a lot of rookie mistakes, like querying it before it was ready. 

What do you mean 180k words is too much?! 

Surely the agent wants me to include information in the query about stories I wrote when I was in third grade, which my teacher said were extremely promising! 

Right?

I re-read some of those bomb queries the other day and considered legally changing my name. 

With no positive responses, I decided it was time to revise. I ordered Writer’s Market, I renewed my Writer’s Digest subscription, and I started reading literary agent blogs. 
I cut 50,000 words.
FIFTY. THOUSAND.
Which meant choosing between editing and showering most days.

I entered #PitchWars in December, another great writer’s competition hosted by the lovely Brenda Drake.  
I felt confident. 
With that 50k word cut, I would surely make it in!

Insert whammy noise here.

Then I got an email from real-life ninja Tina Moss, one of the mentors I queried for the competition. 
(She co-wrote a sizzling book called A TOUCH OF DARKNESS. Run, don't walk, to buy it!) 
Her feedback was that my word count was still too high, and my query stakes weren’t clearly defined. 
Finally! I knew what to work on!

Even though I didn’t make it in, that was a turning point for me. I started networking with other writers via Twitter and Facebook. I gained 10- yes, TEN!- critique partners.

For three months, those CPs helped me revise and revise again. My fabulous CP Sonia Hartl said to me, 
“You’re starting this at the wrong place.” 
Then Janet Wrenn said the same thing. 
That suggestion kept playing on repeat from the others.

So I started in the thick of the action, removed an unnecessary character, and cut another 30k words. 
Which hurt. Cutting those precious words are like trying to decide which toes you want to keep.

Then Janet forced me, at gunpoint, to write a synopsis.

It sucked.
But amazingly, I figured out what was wrong with my query after I wrote it. 
Have I mentioned how valuable CPs are? Seriously, mine are the shizz. I'm not even sure what I bring to the relationship except dirty jokes and great memes.

Then…

I started getting positive responses to queries! Requests, even! Feeling good about things, I entered #PitchMadness back in March. 
I started seeing the blog hosts tweet hints that sounded like my story. 

I was convinced that I was IN!

And then…. 
NOPE. 
I later found out I was a close call, but no dice.  
So what did I do?

“I suuuuuuuck! Nobody wants to read what I write! It’s time to just go back to my job as a nurse, where I can do something more pleasant than write!” 

Like insert suppositories into a fanny so big it has its own orbit. Or chart for hours on end. Or never get a break because the unit is short-staffed. Again.

Then I remembered. 

Wait a minute, you beautiful words!

I can’t stop writing. It’s who I am. It’s who I’ve been since I wrote my first short story in third grade (which I’m told showed incredible promise). 

Stories swirl in my head and my characters won’t leave me alone.

So I sucked it up and started preparing for #NestPitch. 

And you know the rest. 
When the picks were posted this morning I was all…

So for all of the writers who didn’t get into #NestPitch this time, take heart.
DO. NOT. QUIT. 
Your critique partners are your best asset! There's no way I could've ever figured things out without them. 
I've learned so much in the past year. 

I haven’t found my agent yet, but I will. 

Because I refuse to give up.

Keeping with the theme of this too-many-gifs blog post, I'll leave you with my favorite one.

Because duh, Taylor Kitch.

Happy Easter weekend, y'all! 

I'm Walkin' on Sunshine

Here's a song for y'all. Because this is how I feel today. More details to come.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

I scored a Friday Night Lights original pilot script on Ebay. Insert fangirl squee here.

Reading it, I've noticed things changed quite a bit from the original concept to the finished product.

For example, Billy Riggins was originally written as Tim's dad.

Can you even imagine if they'd left it that way? We would've never seen the brotherly banter. Or them fighting over the woman next door, which yielded Tim's famous "Riggins trifecta" line to her when he realized she was sleeping with his brother, too.  There would've been no Riggins Riggs. Tim would've never had to go to prison for Billy.

Hmmmm, on second thought… I could've done without that part. I HATED Billy Riggins. So much that if I saw him out somewhere in Texas, I would probably punch him in the face for being such a shitty human. (Then I'd profusely apologize and ask him not to call the cops.)  That loathing I felt for Billy means the writer did his job. He made me FEEL something.  If Tim had a dad at home who cared about him instead of his idiot brother who constantly screwed him over, he wouldn't have been as interesting. 

Still smokin' hot, but not as interesting.

Also, Smash Williams's original nickname was Bomber. Huh? I laughed when I saw it because, uh- no. He's SMASH. It just fit him. 

Matt Saracen originally lived at home with his mother, not Grandma Saracen. That would've been a big ole yawner. I love Grandma Saracen's senile ass! Matt would've definitely been less interesting.

Coach Taylor's name was originally Coach Long. 

Nope, he's Coach Taylor. Definitely.

The big plot points are the same. Jason Street sustains an injury that paralyzes him and puts the team in a tailspin. Tim is a playboy. Tyra is awesome. Lyla is a bitchface. Landry gets on everyone's nerves.

But SO MANY crucial points got changed.  For the better!  I can say this because Friday Night Lights is my favorite television series of all time. It was perfection.

And since I've been an editing fool for the past couple of months, it gives me hope about the changes I've made. Changes are good. Editing is magic.

Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can't Lose.

10 Dos and Don'ts for the Daughter I don't have...

I was convinced my youngest son was going to be a girl.  I checked out a book from the library two days after I found out I was pregnant with him, and I found a bookmark stuck inside it with Olivia written on it.  That was the girl name I had picked out before I ever had children.  So of course, I thought it was a sign.

Lo and behold, Jax popped up on that ultrasound screen and he was very much a boy.  When I saw him, I cried and felt so guilty that I’d been hoping for a girl.  (If you think I’m emotional now, you should’ve met pregnant me.)  I wouldn’t trade that kid for ten little girls, or all the money in the world.  I have no doubt whatsoever that I was meant to be the mother of two boys.  Those little dudes have my heart.

I used to think that maybe someday down the road, we'd want to try again for a girl.  Jeremy and I have even talked about adopting a daughter.  Time (and potty training) have all but squelched those distant possibilities.  Not that we wouldn't still consider it, but we don’t feel like it’s something we're missing.  I’m very content with my family just as it is.

I have several friends who have teenage daughters.  As I witness their trials, I sit back and silently thank God that it’s them and not me.  One of my friends has a daughter who is the constant victim of mean girls.  Another has a daughter who has been repeatedly jerked around by a jackass seventeen-year-old boy.  Both of these women are wonderful mothers, and their daughters' struggles break my heart.  I cringe when I think about my beautiful nieces experiencing these things someday.  I’ve thought about it a lot lately and have reflected upon the mistakes I made and the things I wish I’d learned sooner; so I’ve compiled a dos and don’ts list for the daughter that I don’t have.  Yet.  Who knows what the future holds?

1. Do BE CONFIDENT. 

I don’t think I was confident until a few years ago.  I struggled my whole life with feeling inferior.   I didn’t really have a reason to be that way; I was loved, I had friends, I didn’t have an extra appendage or anything. I just wasn’t confident and didn’t know how to be.  Through the years, I learned that people only take you as seriously as you take yourself.  Put on a smile, stand up tall, and know that you have something positive to offer the world.  Things will be so much easier when you settle into that mindset. 

Note: This is not to be confused with overconfident.  Nobody likes an ice-princess who rests high above everyone else on her self-imposed pedestal.  Those are the bitches that will end up miserable and alone.

2.  Don’t BE A MEAN GIRL.  

I know this is broad, but it’s really as simple as just being kind, considerate, and empathetic.  Everyone (with the exception of the extremely mentally ill) has an inner voice that speaks up when something you say or do or think is unkind.  I’ve been the victim of mean girls, and it sucks.  But no matter how much they piss you off, do not stoop to their level.  Brush it off and stand tall (see #1).  If you sink to their level, you’re no better than they are.  I’ve also had mean girl moments myself.  I can promise you that those moments never got me anywhere.  If anything, they just made people lose respect for me.  Fortunately, my inner voice is loud and squawky so I don’t ignore it now.

3.  Do VALUE YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS. 

I’m ashamed that I was almost 30 before I realized how important this is.  I had female friends growing up, but very few that I trusted.  I constantly compared myself to them and resented their successes rather than celebrating them. Completely ridiculous, I know.  Your female friends will sometimes understand things that nobody else will.  Mama B. (my bff’s mother) recently said to me, “If you are older than 25 years old, and you don’t have at least 3 female friends who would take a bullet for you, then there is something seriously f’d up inside you.”  I laughed when she said it- because Mama B. is hilarious- but she is so right.  Cherish those friendships.  Build up the women in your life.  Be their cheerleader.  You are going to need them.

4.  Don’t BE FAKE.  

This goes along with number 3.  There’s a fine line between building up and being insincere.  Does this mean that you should tell your BFF that her ass looks fat in that dress if it does?  No.  It means that you should tell her that her hair looks beautiful instead.  And if she specifically asks you if it makes her butt look big- then drag her to your closet and offer to let her borrow something else that you just KNOW is going to look even better on her.  Tact is invaluable and goes hand in hand with sincerity.

5.  Don’t PLAY THE DITZ. 

I can’t tell you how many cute boys asked to copy my homework in high school.   It used to drive me insane.  I could think of plenty of things I wanted them to ask me- but copying my homework was not one of them.  So I got the idea right before I went to my first college class that I was going to play the ditz, because the girls who actually were a little ditzy seemed to get all the boys.  I had this warped idea that letting them know I was smart would kill my chances.  But the boys who are drawn to that?  Morons.  Dumber than a bag of hammers.  And they will still want to copy your homework.  Lesson learned, believe me.  I dropped the act rather quickly.

6.  Do READ. 

Read anything and everything.  Immerse yourself in books and learn as much as you can.  Embrace your brain.  Even though boys will want to copy your homework when they realize your brain is as big as your boobs, don’t fret.  Those same boys will be your subordinates at work someday.  They aren’t the ones you’ll be married to.  The boy you'll marry did his own damned homework.

7.  Don’t IDOLIZE CELEBRITIES.

Celebrities are just like you and me, except they’re under the constant scrutiny of spotlight.  Watch them long enough and they’ll do something very humanly disappointing.  Even the most wholesome celebrities can flip their psycho switch at any time and shock everyone (ahem, Miley).  Be your own celebrity.  Set a goal and chase it.

8.  Do FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. 

Notice that I said your dreams.  Other people will tell you what they think you should be.  Parents are the worst at imposing these kinds of expectations.  I fell into the trap myself.  I think I only became a nurse because, somewhere along the way, someone put it in my head that it was expected of me.  So I did it- even though it took me many years to go back and finish.  I graduated at the top of my class.  I did my job and I did it well.  I loved my patients and my co-workers.  But I wasn’t happy, because it was never what I wanted to do.  So at 31 years old, I finally got the guts to say that out loud and pursue my dreams.  Don’t make the mistake I did; pursue your dreams now.  Don’t take no for an answer.  Do what makes you happy because it is your life.  Nobody can live it but you.

9.  Don’t SWEAT THE BOY WHO BREAKS YOUR HEART WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG. 

Trust me honey, in fifteen years, he’s gonna be a trailer park train wreck and you’ll be thanking God you dodged that bullet.  I could post the picture (read: mugshot) of the boy whose ass I was convinced was the rising and setting point of the sun and you would all laugh and laugh.  But I won’t do that, because I’m not a mean girl.  

Of all the couples I know who were together in high school- only ONE made it to marriage and are still together now.   Don’t delude yourself into thinking you are that one couple.   You most likely aren’t.  And as you will learn in high school, statistics do mean something.

10.  Do LOVE YOURSELF. 

Not just emotionally, but physically, too.  That’s right!  I said it.   Do that instead of having sex before you’re ready, with some little dumbass who is too young and clueless to make it anything other than a nightmarish experience.  While he is acutely aware of his own body, and intimately acquainted with it- he has no idea how to touch yours.  Thank goodness I waited until I was 19 to make that mistake, but it was still a big one.  (Mistake, that is.  The penis was small.)  

So unless you want to be poked and prodded and manhandled by sweaty, confused fingers who couldn’t find your special button if it had a red flashing light on it, just don’t.  Seriously- don’t.  By the time you meet the man you’re supposed to be with, he will either have A) saved himself for you and be patient and intuitive enough not to make it horrible or B) have already poked and prodded enough other girls (who didn’t love themselves enough) that he’ll finally know what he’s doing.

Now that I read back over these, I wonder if this is why God gave me boys.  Maybe he knew that I would never really be able to say these things to my daughter.  Or maybe I would, and it would scar her for life.  Or maybe it wouldn’t, and she would be as wise at 15 as I am at 32.